How to Handle Pain Flares

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Pain is... well, a pain!

Pain is never convenient and often comes at the worst of times.

Pain has been my shadow through everything - the joy of my wedding, the chaos of stressful seasons, and just the quiet, normal days. It’s an uninvited companion that doesn't care about your plans. If there’s one thing I’ve realized, it’s that we don't get "time off" for good behavior. Pain doesn't stop just because you have a life to live.

Previously when I had a pain flare I would begrudgingly take medication with tears in my eyes, feeling out of control and at war with my own body. I'd sit there with my heat pad, resting my eyes and shedding silent tears because the pain was so overpowering. I would even reach out to some higher power, thinking “What have I done to deserve this?”

And boy do I still struggle, but not to this degree. Living with chronic pain (or any chronic condition for that matter!) is hard on the body AND mind. But by approaching things differently I have recognized that my pain flares are often shorter and more manageable than in the past.

I am typing this now at what I hope is the end of my current pain flare. I still wrangle with the beast that is chronic pain daily, but my mind and body have improved with the right treatment.

We Often Add to Our Own Suffering Involuntarily

I used to be my own worst enemy while navigating a pain flare. I would feel like a burden, or useless, or frustrated, and candidly, I still do, but much less than I used to.

I have done A LOT of therapy, and recommend anyone struggling with chronic pain to seek out a licensed mental health professional to work through the mental challenges of living with any chronic condition. I had worked with several therapists in the past, but started making real progress once I found a therapist (technically two!) who had chronic pain themselves. They helped me to feel understood, as I feel you can be sympathetic but don't truly understand chronic pain until you have experienced it yourself! So shout out to my therapists, if you ever magically read this thanks for the help along the way!

The techniques I am mentioning below are ones that I have learned through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Chronic Pain, and Pain Reprocessing Therapy which is a therapy developed by Alan Gordon and members at the Pain Reprocessing Institute.

Alan Gordon’s book The Way Out also discusses some of these skills in further detail, and is a great read for those wanting to learn more about how chronic pain works!

And I want to help you work through your pain the same way I have, as I doubt all of you can find or are ready to seek the help of therapists such as the ones I have worked with! This is not a perfect process, but I guarantee that applying some of these skills will help you in the long run with managing your pain.

So stop being your toughest critic, and lets do this together!

Disclaimer: I am NOT a medical professional. The following information is based on my personal journey with chronic pain and is intended for those with a known condition. If you have a new or unexplained injury, please seek medical advice as these techniques will not work for you.

Ways to Work Through a Pain Flare

Don't Panic

We have our “harm alarm” that sends signals from our body to our brains, telling us that the pain is present.

In common situations, it is GOOD to have your brain tell you when you get hurt so then you can try to remedy the damage. But with chronic pain our harm alarm just keeps ringing, even though we know that there is no damage occuring with our bodies.

Rising pain levels bring about a lot of feelings, but the most common ones are frustration, sadness, and anger. While it is perfectly reasonable to feel this way, feeding into these emotions will only make the pain grow.

I’m not saying to bottle up your emotions, as that tends to make things worse! You have to learn to accept that you are not feeling well, which I know sounds bonkers, but it does help to acknowledge that it is OKAY to be feeling emotions about your pain, and be feeling the pain itself.

Again, no one likes pain! But I am sure you have wandered to my page on the internet because you are at a loss for next steps in managing your pain, and I have a feeling you may have tried the "being upset with the pain" approach by now.

Exercise: If you are able, take a deep breath, and write down how the pain is making you feel physically and emotionally. Get this off your chest, shed a couple tears if you need to, and remind yourself that you are safe, this pain is not causing you permanent damage.

Listen to Your Body

I find that people often feel the need to push through the pain, as there is a lot of shame associated with having pain at all. Everybody is different, and everyone has different activities that flare up their pain, but by recognizing what flares your pain you can make accommodations going forward that could help decrease your pain or avoid it altogether!

Maybe you work a job that requires you to move a lot, and it flares up your pain. If you are feeling your pain coming on, instead of resisting it, think of ways you can help it in the moment.

Of course you can’t always go take a nap, or lie down, or whatever specific things you may do to help your pain while you are off work. I highly recommend being thoughtful about your needs and going through the process of receiving reasonable accommodations if you are able, as there is no shame in making your day a little less painful.

There are a lot of things that can be done without a special accommodation though, and many can be done while you are working with minimal distraction such as (1) using a heatpad or ice pack (2) Stretching (3) Standing (4) Taking your medication (5) Using Icy hot (6) Meditating or resting your eyes 

All of these things are just quick examples of things you can do to help yourself. I know every job and every person is different, so let me know other ways you help yourself while working!

Exercise: Write down situations or activities (physical and mental) that flare up your pain. Then write down things that help your pain, and match them with the different activities so that you have a smorgasbord of ideas to help you manage your pain while in different situations.

Comfort is Everything

Make things as comfortable as possible while you are in pain. Whether that means changing into sweatpants and a hoodie, or cozying up under a heated blanket, you are already feeling bad so try to self-soothe as much as possible. 

Self-soothing reminds the nervous system that you are safe. You can make a hot beverage, turn on your favorite show, or whatever will help you stay calm and ride out the pain flare.

I understand the unwillingness to accept you are in pain, but I doubt that mindset is helping you manage an already stressful situation. Making yourself more comfortable is something that is within your control, even if the pain may not be.

Managing my own pain flare I get on comfy clothes, jump in my recliner, and use my plug-in neck heat pad to ride the wave. I also have created my own "cripple cart" which sits next to my recliner and is filled with my medications, snacks, craft projects, and anything I could possibly want while being glued to my chair.

Exercise: Use as much or as little energy you want for this - you can make a cute poster like my Dopamine Menu to display somewhere you will see it often, or just write a list that you can keep with you wherever you go.

Make a box of these self-soothing items or get a rolling cart that you can take with you wherever you go at home! It is best to put your self-soothing items or list in a location you see it often!

Half-Ass Anything You Can

Yes you read this correctly. I am saying that you do not need to do EVERYTHING you had on your to-do list. Whether we’re in a flare or not, many of us with chronic pain fall into the trap of being "do-it-alls." We push ourselves to stay busy, but that drive often adds to our suffering. By trying to do just one more thing when our bodies are already screaming for rest, we end up triggering the very flares we’re trying to outrun

I'm sure you can do anything you set your mind to. You could unload the dishwasher, clean the house, work a full shift, do all the laundry, and make dinner - but do you NEED to do it all?

I would hope that your answer is no, but I understand all too well that pain does not wait until you have the free-time to manage it, and some things you just have to get done.

You don’t have to carry the entire world on your shoulders. I know our stubborn streak makes asking for help feel impossible, but take a second to look at your support system. By delegating even small tasks or simply accepting that not everything has to happen today, you’ll find a much-needed sense of relief.

I am very blessed that my husband is so supportive of me, and has helped me with “accommodations” in my own home. For example, I struggled to unload and load the bottom rack of our dishwasher because it was a lot of leaning, so I would load and unload the top rack, and he would unload and load the bottom. Now through PT, medication management, therapy, and lifestyle changes, I can load/unload the whole dishwasher myself, but when I have a pain flare, it is still a challenge for me.

So I implore you to ask others to help you while you are struggling. I am a stubborn gal, so it is difficult for me to do this, but I have found that more often than not your loved ones and peers would rather you ask them for help than know you did something that will cause you more pain!

Exercise: Take note of where you need the most support, and who is around to support you in those situations. Work with your support peoples, explaining how certain activities tend to flare your symptoms and how it would help you if they could take care of those tasks.

Quick Note: Leaning on my husband more truly helped me gain more control over my pain. By letting him help me with tasks that usually aggravated my symptoms I was able to NOT get into as many pain flares, and in doing so was able to focus on my PT exercises, which helped me continue to strengthen my neck, leading to even less pain flares!

Stop Trying To Control The Pain, and Start Working With It

I know I am a broken record, but I understand all too well that pain is very unpleasant and no one (unless maybe a masochist) enjoys it. But doing things just in an attempt to make the pain go away usually ends up adding fuel to the fire, leading to further frustration and pain when the stretches, or prescriptions, or rest, just doesn't solve the problem.

You should continue doing things to help manage your pain and add to your comfort, but chronic pain is a beast of its own, and if it were as easy as taking ibuprofen and going about your day I am sure many of you wouldn't be here!

No one is perfect and this process itself is not perfect. Healing is not linear, and for people managing chronic pain it is a dance.

Exercise: When you feel good you can do your physical therapy, and train up or stretch those aggravated muscles. You can delve deeper into therapies, learning to understand your body even more.

But when you don't feel well you need to listen to your body, rest up, and be ready to start working again once the pain flare passes.

Take care friends, and I hope this helps you with managing your next (or current) pain flare!