How to Manage Stress to Minimize Pain Flares

Tried and true strategies to manage stress with chronic pain

It always seems to happen at the worst of times...

Imagine - you are going about your day, but it just seems to be getting busier and busier. You are already exhausted trying to keep up with your daily activities when BAM - a pain flare comes on. Not only were you already stressed due to the activities of the day, but now you have to manage your pain and symptoms on top of that!

You are fighting with yourself, pushing and pushing to get what you need to do done. You finally sit down, and your pain feels worse, demanding your attention. It is sharp, it is loud, and it is not going to let you go so easily!

We can tame the beast!

Firstly, we need to change our mindset about the beast that is chronic pain. While we cannot control when the pain comes on, nor the intensity, we are not helpless. There are a lot of things we cannot control, but we will be working together to look at the things we CAN control, regaining a sense of power over our lives.

The fight for control

By being desperate for the pain to go away and living in fear, you are giving it more power! Fear fuels neuroplastic pain, causing more flare-ups or discomfort in your life.

Just stop stressing!

But the pain causes more fear, or anxiety, or many other unpleasant feelings. The pain makes you panic, feeling as if you are not in control. If your fear about the pain causes the pain, it is your fault either way, right? NO. I have struggled with this mindset firsthand and understand how difficult a concept this is to grasp. Yes, you can manage your stress to manage your pain better or even decrease your pain, but it is absolutely not your fault for being stressed!

It is not easy to just "not be stressed!" Here we will discuss some strategies to manage your stress better, not blame yourself, and start navigating the pain a bit more smoothly. Let's learn to co-exist with the pain and respect it to gain more control in our lives!

Aligning Your Life with Your Values

Deep Dive Questions

• What do you want your legacy to be?

• If money and time were no object, what would you do?

• What makes you most satisfied or content?

• Do your values currently align with your actions? If yes then list examples as proof, if not explain why.

After answering these questions, can you say that your values truly align with your actions or with what you want to accomplish with your life? If yes, then you are on the right track! If not, that is okay! A lot of people are not putting their energy where they should in order to accomplish their overall goals, and they don't even recognize it.

Taking a moment to see what is truly important to you and where your values lie is the first step to making moves that align with your values.

For myself, I put my health and family/friends at the top of the list when I first did this exercise. Then I looked at my actions and already knew that they did not align with my values. I was overworked, constantly exhausted, and frankly miserable working 8-hour days, then doing chores, between managing several appointments and pain symptoms every week. I worked through so much pain, feeling ashamed if I was not able to keep up, rather than accepting that I had different limitations. And I did (and still do!) more than most! I had no time for joy, or when I did I was running on fumes.

Another great way to do this exercise is to use The Live Your Values Deck . Illustrated by Lisa Congdon these cards are a beautiful way to learn what is important to you, with ideas on each card for how to align your values with your actions!

Making Time for Self-Care and Joy

So many people, chronic pain or not, get entranced by the need to get things done. Wanting to check everything off the to-do list before you take part in pleasurable activities or rest makes sense to most. For example, I was raised in a household where we did all our work, chores, or homework before playing, as many probably did. In theory, this is great, but as we grow up we start having less and less time for play. Now that I am grown, I am the one responsible for making dinners, grocery shopping, and doing the laundry all AFTER the work day is "done". When do we have time to have fun anymore?

Reflect on your schedule and see how much time you have in a day that is specifically "downtime". While I am currently unemployed, I am home the most, but that does not mean I am not busy! I have about an hour in the morning, an hour at mid-day, and about 4 to 5 hours at night, depending on whether I am making dinner or have food prepped.

When you look back on your life, do you want to only see all the work and pain you were in, or do you want to see all the enjoyment you had? Do you have any hobbies currently, or are you so exhausted that you can only watch TV or doomscroll by the end of the day? I am a crafter, and I love to journal, crochet, and macrame. I enjoy a multitude of things, and yet 90% of the time will work my tushy off and sit in front of the TV exhausted in the afternoon.

Make a Self-Care List or Dopamine Menu

One day, when I was perusing Pinterest, I found the cutest idea - making a dopamine menu! A dopamine menu is simply a way to add more dopamine into your day with easy-to-difficult tasks, perfect for chronic pain patients! I immediately created my own café version of a dopamine menu to go with my coffee bar at home. Take a look at this blog article on ideas for creating your own!

See it = Do it!

With my ADHD and brain fog on top of managing symptoms from my multitude of issues, things quickly become an out of sight out of mind problem. By making your self-care list visually appealing to display on your wall or counter, it becomes that much easier to remind yourself of the activities you can do. I am in love with my dopamine menu and how lovely it looks at my coffee bar!

Mantras or Notes

Similar to the self-care list or dopamine menu, our busy brains sometimes need a reminder to pause and take care of ourselves. Everyone has differing needs, so take the time to reflect on what you need to hear throughout the day!

Making these notes should be an enjoyable experience, not a dreaded one! I know many get the ick from seeing neon sticky notes cluttering their gorgeous homes, which is not the point of using these. I have some cards I made that are the same style as my dopamine menu HERE that you can use, or challenge yourself to design some of your own. You can use online design software such as Canva, or get paper and write some out on your own. Hell, you can even just look up mantra pictures on Pinterest and print some designs for free, or support artists and buy some off Etsy! Do what works for you and most importantly - makes you happy!

Room to Room...

Different rooms possess different challenges for you! Is there a spot that causes you more stress than others? Make a card or sticky note to put up as a reminder for any extra support you need there. Below are a few more examples for notes that correspond with different rooms in your home, and ideas for notes to take with you on the go!

Laundry Room

• A stop sign that says "WAIT and ask for help!" if you are unable to do the laundry without causing a pain flare.

  • Or something that challenges negative core beliefs about not being able to complete the task yourself, such as "Asking for help does not make me a burden."

Bedroom

• A note with ideas of activities to do while you are on bed rest with a pain flare.

  • I have one I taped to my nightstand so it is always there for me to look at!

• A reminder that you are doing your best and your pain is not your fault.

Bathroom

• An affirmation that you are beautiful and resilient taped or written on the mirror.

• A reminder to take your medications as soon as you feel a pain flare coming on as the longer you wait the more intense your pain will become.

Kitchen

• A stop sign strategically placed to remind you to ask for help with the chores that will elevate your pain.

• Reminders that eating something is better than eating nothing

• An idea list on the fridge for quick meals to eat or take out menus for those high-pain, low-energy days!

Work Bag or Purse

• A checklist of things you need to grab each morning in your bag so when you have brain-fog or feel unwell you can take a glance to make sure you have what you need for the day.

• A coping statement such as "I am not my thoughts, I am what I do." to ground yourself and serve as a reminder to align your actions with your values.

Lets face facts...

Pain causes more reasons to be stressed, when the world is already a stressful place! No one is perfect, but I hope that these strategies gave you some more ideas on how to combat stress while navigating chronic pain. In future blog posts, we will continue to learn about the causes of chronic pain and what we can do to manage our symptoms. Please leave a comment if you gained some inspiration from this post, and I hope to see you next time!